i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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