I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
