We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
