Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
