Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
