She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
