I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
