i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
