the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
