i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
