Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
