Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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