i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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