im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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