NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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