Someone shit on the floor
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize