There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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