Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
