i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
