who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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