You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
