So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This baby is an asshole
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I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
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Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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