You were right. It hurts to walk today.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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