Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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