Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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