yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
