she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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