Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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