Princesses don't give blow jobs
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
