She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
