I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
