I only kidnapped one of them. chill
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
