His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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