Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
