seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Randomize
