he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
