Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
