I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
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