honey bunches of taint.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
