she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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