It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
