please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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