anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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