"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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