did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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