I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
