i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
