All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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