I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
