i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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