At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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