You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
