I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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