Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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