I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Randomize
