I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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