He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
