I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
