I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
