If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
