I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
