Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
