Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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