we're chasing vodka with high fives
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
