Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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