I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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