think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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