Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
