i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
