OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Is Oprah even human
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
