I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
